Why He Isn’t Texting You Back

Why he isn't texting you back, why isn't he texting me back, why won't he reply

Boys are annoying. This isn’t the world’s best kept secret. We all know this.

(My apologies, male readership.)

Boys are especially annoying when they’re boys we have a crush on. And boys are even MORE annoying when we: 1.) Have a crush on them, 2.) We’re texting them—and 3.) They don’t. Text. Back.

WHY boys do this—WHY they insist on “being distracted”/”doing chores”/”helping old ladies cross the street” when they could be having a fantastic conversation with miraculous, God’s-gift-to-earth creatures like you and me, is beyond my comprehension. Why, boys? WHY.

How To Attract Guys

How to attract guys humor post valentine's day

I wanted a Subway sandwich.

I was out shopping with my mom. The adrenaline that comes from wildly spending money, mixed with perseverance to find a bag that looked like a Givenchy Antigona without the cost, left me famished.

We found ourselves in the mall.

“Do you want Subway?” I asked, stepping into the line.

I’ll be honest. My mother had no choice. My stomach lead my heart, and my heart led my feet, and my feet led me to Subway. It was basically the plot line of every romance novel ever written.

How To Get Over Heartbreak

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It’s sad when things end.

An empty box of Cheez-Its. The last episode of your favorite vampire-romance TV show. The conclusion of love month. The end of a relationship.

We mourn and cry and remember the good times we had. But no amount of tears will bring back those precious cheesy-salty-crackery moments you had together. You can’t relive the awestruck shock over your TV love’s heroic sacrifice. You can’t go back in time. Soon, you’ll have to move on.

My Valentine’s Day 2017

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My two greatest fears on this earth are deep waters and heights.

Generally, people will listen to these declarations and sympathize. She’s had a bad pool experience as a child, they think. Or, she’s 5’2 and used to being close to the ground.

Never have I met someone who took these facts as a challenge. It should’ve set me on high alert when he turned to me and said, “exactly how scared of heights are you?”

How To Ruin A First Date

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Sweaty palms growing sweatier at the thought, what if he/she tries to hold my hand? Hair won’t lay right. Shoes that always turn into a mistake. Do we go dutch? What if it’s a disaster? How do I let him/her down easily?

Yes, my little minions apprentices.

Today, we’re talking about first dates. More importantly, how to ruin them. Whether this is your intention (you may be locked in a bathroom stall, clutching your phone and reading this list, desperate for ideas on how to get out of this mess) or prevention (date is going really well so you’re locked in a bathroom stall, clutching your phone and reading this list, desperate for a reminder of what not to do) it is all up to you. I now give you this list. But remember: With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility.