How I Know I’m ADD

Sometimes, I think of myself as a fairy.

A fairy is so small, it can only feel one emotion at a time. Its tiny little mind simply cannot handle more than one thought, distraction, or task. Not that it ever overloads. No. One thing pushes out the last thing, and va-va-voom, Fairy leaves a long, glittery trail of thoughts undone.

Is that where pixy dust comes from?!

Quickly, I realized my quirky little ways didn’t make me a fairy.

They made me ADD.

The Art Of Empty Thinking

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My mind is a constant whir of thoughts, daydreams, to-do lists, reminders, flash-backs, and songs that have stuck. It is never silent. My mind wakes me in the middle of the night with its clicking and buzzing.

I think of things I don’t want to think about. I dwell on memories I’d like to forget. I solve problems that aren’t even mine.

I envy men.

Mechanical Ninjineer Does My Voiceover

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Blogging, writing, YouTube(?)-ing are all very solo activities.  

YouTubers have learned to branch out and form collaborations with each other, torturously forcing themselves to change out of their week-old pj’s and suffering through conversation with a warm-skinned, breathing human.

But! They found a solution! A way to collaborate without ever having to be in the same room: the _____ Does My Voiceover tag.

Which, in essence, is kinda sad because Mechanical Ninjineer is a really cool person and may even be my twin, so having real-life conversation with that certain human wouldn’t have been so bad.

I Have No Volume Control

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I do this super cute thing. . . No, seriously. It’s adorable.

Hear me out.

Pun intended.

See. I kinda, sorta in a big way have absolutely no volume control.

Life’s Disappointments

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My humor blog has been too funny lately. It’s me. It’s my fault. I’ve been given the gift of comedy and I’m sorry.

But enough is enough! Real life is hard, people. It’s tough. There are heartbreaks, and fatty foods, and muscle cramps—the kind that start in your foot and spike up to your hip, a sinister reminder that you’re growing old and decrepit, even if you are only 21.

It’s time we open our eyes to the real world and its disappointments. Here are seven. (Seven isn’t an even number. Because numerical lists are cruel like that.)

Thoughts Bloggers Have

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Bloggers are a special kind of people. We speak through our fingers. We create pictures with words. We’re like YouTubers, with a keyboard.

We don’t know when to quit with the metaphors and similes…

The idea for this post hit me—as most posts tend to do—as I was staring at a roll of toilet paper. I wondered how bad, on a scale of 1-10, my latest post really was and realized these are thoughts all bloggers must have after, during, and before writing a blog post for all the internet to see.

Out poured this list.

How You Know You’re Losing Your Mind

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“Hey. You okay? You seem a little off.”

“I’m fine. Just losing my mind.”

“Oh good. I was afraid it was something serious.”

HOW YOU KNOW YOU’RE LOSING YOUR MIND

Gonna Miss My Best Friend

A few blog posts ago, I wrote about being a college stayer, though I fear that that post came off too “woe is me.” The reality is I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life. But I’m not sitting around, pitying myself day after day or anything of the sort. I didn’t want it to come off that way.

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However.

Today, you may pity me. Pity away. Because today (well, yesterday) I lost my best friend.

“You make it sound like I’m dying,” he told me and my friend.

“You’re gonna be dead to us,” she joked.

This is true. Though I am very much aware that the dead are incapable of shooting me a “I’m making friends!” text, when you see someone on an almost daily basis because they lived a few streets down from you and then suddenly can’t see them for three months. Instant. They’re gone. Only memories remain. It’s quite similar to death.