10 Reasons Why I Won’t Hold A Baby

10 reasons why I won't hold a baby funny humor laugh

Lately (and perhaps it’s because I’ve turned 22 but), there’s a running theme in the questions I’ve received.

Rebekah, do you want kids?

I do—eventually—want kids. Little Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil… But the weird thing is: I’ve been working on this blog post. And it’s as if they knew. They sensed it. They looked into my brown eyes and saw horror, disgust, and revulsion toward those squishy little bundles of joy (referring to the child,*ahem*, not its diaper).

Anyways. Here’s 10 reasons why I won’t hold a baby.

VBS – Vacation Bible School

I’m still recovering. Still twitching. Still flinching from the imaginary shouts, screams, and high pitched voices in my head. I feel that my hands are sticky, but they’re not. I feel a hand tugging on my skirt, but no one’s there.

It’ s real. It’s over. It’s post traumatic stress syndrome.

It was Vacation Bible School week.

If you don’t know, VBS is a week, Monday through Friday, where kids come to church and we have games, crafts, snacks, and bible lessons. I went to VBS when I was a kid. I’m pretty sure I didn’t miss a year. And now that I’m an adult, I still don’t miss a year.

Now I’m a teacher.

I’m A Kindergarten Teacher

One of the wonders that came with turning eighteen was that I was finally able to teach  Sunday school at church. No more “Leader In Training” or being a “Helper,” I could finally call the shots… And ask other people to take the kids to the bathroom while I told the story.

I think it’s the writer in me. I love telling the story. I teach kindergarten and sometimes first through third grade, and to see their expressions as I tell them how Elijah “was swooped up in a chariot of fire,” while I proceed to run circles around the room with my arms stretched out, “WHOOOOSH!” is priceless.

Or how their eyes get all big and they start to gasp sporadically when I tell them how “bad men were waiting.” GASP! “To steal his backpack and lunch.” GASP-GASP! “And beat him up!” NO! During the story of The Good Samaritan.

I love it.