Funny – The Rebekah Koontz Site

Why He Isn’t Texting You Back

September 13, 2020Humor, LifeLeave a Comment

Why he isn't texting you back, why isn't he texting me back, why won't he reply

Boys are annoying. This isn’t the world’s best kept secret. We all know this.

(My apologies, male readership.)

Boys are especially annoying when they’re boys we have a crush on. And boys are even MORE annoying when we: 1.) Have a crush on them, 2.) We’re texting them—and 3.) They don’t. Text. Back.

WHY boys do this—WHY they insist on “being distracted”/”doing chores”/”helping old ladies cross the street” when they could be having a fantastic conversation with miraculous, God’s-gift-to-earth creatures like you and me, is beyond my comprehension. Why, boys? WHY.

Continue reading ➞ Why He Isn’t Texting You Back

Crushing On My Froyo

September 6, 2020August 30, 2020Food, Humor2 Comments

Crushing on my froyo a humor post Rebekah Koontz

Crushes. There are crushes that satisfy—dreamy glances that eventually turn into the sweet and cherished “do you like me back?” conversation. And then they tell you that they’ve loved you all along.

Dawwh. My sentimental heart, be still!

There are crushes that are forbidden—dark and dangerous, stupid, or crazy. Crushes that force you to exercise every unit of self control to keep you on the straight and narrow.

And then, there are those crushes that can never love you back.

Continue reading ➞ Crushing On My Froyo

I Bought An Exercise Bike

August 23, 2020August 23, 2020HumorLeave a Comment

I’ve been feeling gloomy.

So, being the self-sufficient woman that I am, I decided to self-medicate with food. Because–what else is there to do? We’re in a bloody pandemic.

Like my use of the word bloody? Turned British there for a moment. I’m back now.

Continue reading ➞ I Bought An Exercise Bike

How I Know My Cat Is A Girl (Besides The Obvious Reason)

August 2, 2020August 1, 2020Cova, Humor2 Comments

We all know that women are goddesses. We possess this quality of grace and sophistication, loveliness and wonder. We smell like the color pink. We’re adorable. We have the cutest laugh. We are spunky and lovable.

My cat, Cova, is clearly female.

As we’ve grown accustomed to our shared living space, Cova has shown all the signs that she is a lady—unapologetically so, as all ladies do.

Continue reading ➞ How I Know My Cat Is A Girl (Besides The Obvious Reason)

That Time I Was A Hero

July 26, 2020July 25, 2020Humor

I barely saw it coming. By the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse—and an alarm sounded in my brain.

DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!

Read the rest of my post at The Captain’s Speech!

CONTINUE READING

I’m A Grandma

July 19, 2020July 18, 2020Humor, Life6 Comments

I'm a grandma Rebekah Koontz Rebecca Coonts

“So, Rebekah, what are you doing later?” Daniel asks me.

The clock on my phone reads 9:45pm. I squint at Daniel like he’s lost his mind. “What do you mean later?”

“Later tonight.”

I blink three times, slowly. I planned on scurrying home and brewing a fresh mug of chamomile. I planned on stretching out the tendonitis in my wrists and wishing the cat sweet dreams. I planned on tidying my shoes and checking the status of my teeth. I planned on saying my prayers.

This was about the point I realized: I am a twenty-something grandma.

Continue reading ➞ I’m A Grandma

You Need A Cat In Your Life | The Pro-Side Of Cat Ownership

July 5, 2020July 10, 2020Cova4 Comments

A few weeks ago, I was at a dinner party when the subject “cat vs. dog” arose. It came up in that imminent way sensitive subjects always seem to arise in mixed company, dangling before your eyes, teasing and dangerous, Russian-roulette-style, (much like politics, religion, and race). In which, you don’t know what comment you’ll make that will inevitably offend half the guests present.

It’s a tricky game to play.

However, without the need to put down Man’s Best Friend, here are some reasons why you need a cat in your life.

Because you probably just need a cat in your life. Period.

Continue reading ➞ You Need A Cat In Your Life | The Pro-Side Of Cat Ownership

I Break Things

February 24, 2020March 4, 2020Humor9 Comments

I’ve created a reputation for myself.

It started young, this special gift of mine. There are always those popular “Rebekah stories” that surface whilst entertaining guests over dinner, and the one about me wrecking my dad’s classic car is definitely at the top.

It isn’t what you think.

Continue reading ➞ I Break Things

How To Attract Guys

February 15, 2020February 19, 2020Humor, Love/Relationships, Valentines Day5 Comments

I wanted a Subway sandwich.

I was out shopping with my mom. The adrenaline that comes from wildly spending money, mixed with perseverance to find a bag that looked like a Givenchy Antigona without the cost, left me famished.

We found ourselves in the mall.

“Do you want Subway?” I asked, stepping into the line.

I’ll be honest. My mother had no choice. My stomach lead my heart, and my heart led my feet, and my feet led me to Subway. It was basically the plot line of every romance novel ever written.

Continue reading ➞ How To Attract Guys