Autumn Is {NOW}

September 22nd marked the first day of fall.

Fall. Autumn. The season of pumpkin spice and knitted throws. Unnecessary Target runs. Crisp air. Apple pie candles.

Basically, it’s when we lose our mother-loving MINDS over a season’s arrival (Christmas soon to follow).

What is it about fall? The season strikes and we must, WE MUST, consume something pumpkin. We must lower our AC and replace all home décor with something orange. We’re whisked into a frenzy, caught in the eye of the tornado, surrounded by swirling leaves and frothy spiced lattes. We’re floating. Our fir-trimmed UGGs hover above ground. Nothing else exists except fall.

Why He Isn’t Texting You Back

Why he isn't texting you back, why isn't he texting me back, why won't he reply

Boys are annoying. This isn’t the world’s best kept secret. We all know this.

(My apologies, male readership.)

Boys are especially annoying when they’re boys we have a crush on. And boys are even MORE annoying when we: 1.) Have a crush on them, 2.) We’re texting them—and 3.) They don’t. Text. Back.

WHY boys do this—WHY they insist on “being distracted”/”doing chores”/”helping old ladies cross the street” when they could be having a fantastic conversation with miraculous, God’s-gift-to-earth creatures like you and me, is beyond my comprehension. Why, boys? WHY.

Crushing On My Froyo

Crushing on my froyo a humor post Rebekah Koontz

Crushes. There are crushes that satisfy—dreamy glances that eventually turn into the sweet and cherished “do you like me back?” conversation. And then they tell you that they’ve loved you all along.

Dawwh. My sentimental heart, be still!

There are crushes that are forbidden—dark and dangerous, stupid, or crazy. Crushes that force you to exercise every unit of self control to keep you on the straight and narrow.

And then, there are those crushes that can never love you back.

I Bought An Exercise Bike

I’ve been feeling gloomy.

So, being the self-sufficient woman that I am, I decided to self-medicate with food. Because–what else is there to do? We’re in a bloody pandemic.

Like my use of the word bloody? Turned British there for a moment. I’m back now.

How I Know My Cat Is A Girl (Besides The Obvious Reason)

We all know that women are goddesses. We possess this quality of grace and sophistication, loveliness and wonder. We smell like the color pink. We’re adorable. We have the cutest laugh. We are spunky and lovable.

My cat, Cova, is clearly female.

As we’ve grown accustomed to our shared living space, Cova has shown all the signs that she is a lady—unapologetically so, as all ladies do.

That Time I Was A Hero

I barely saw it coming. By the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse—and an alarm sounded in my brain.

DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!

Read the rest of my post at The Captain’s Speech!

CONTINUE READING

I’m A Grandma

I'm a grandma Rebekah Koontz Rebecca Coonts

“So, Rebekah, what are you doing later?” Daniel asks me.

The clock on my phone reads 9:45pm. I squint at Daniel  like he’s lost his mind. “What do you mean later?”

“Later tonight.”

I blink three times, slowly. I planned on scurrying home and brewing a fresh mug of chamomile. I planned on stretching out the tendonitis in my wrists and wishing the cat sweet dreams. I planned on tidying my shoes and checking the status of my teeth. I planned on saying my prayers.

This was about the point I realized: I am a twenty-something grandma.

Phrases That Make You SOUND Healthy

Want to be healthy without the commitment?

Want to give an impression without LYING?

Keep on watching.

How To Socialize

In this day and age, it’s hard to get through a twenty-four hour period without hearing the word “social.” Social media. Social distancing. Socialize.

But what about those who lack the basic requirements of socialization? What about those who have quarantined for so long that they’ve forgotten how to socialize with their fellow man?

That’s where this post comes in.

Socializing is a stressful, somewhat life-threatening factor, necessary to human existence. Let’s get that out of the way. No matter if you’re shy, introverted, or don’t have a tongue, if the waitress at Denny’s asks if you need ketchup, you need to be able to answer her effectively, politely, and without coming off as a psychopath.

I Break Things

I break things Rebekah Koontz Site Rebecca coontz

I’ve created a reputation for myself.

It started young, this special gift of mine. There are always those popular “Rebekah stories” that surface whilst entertaining guests over dinner, and the one about me wrecking my dad’s classic car is definitely at the top.

It isn’t what you think.