September 22nd marked the first day of fall.

Fall. Autumn. The season of pumpkin spice and knitted throws. Unnecessary Target runs. Crisp air. Apple pie candles.

Basically, it’s when we lose our mother-loving MINDS over a season’s arrival (Christmas soon to follow).

What is it about fall? The season strikes and we must, WE MUST, consume something pumpkin. We must lower our AC and replace all home décor with something orange. We’re whisked into a frenzy, caught in the eye of the tornado, surrounded by swirling leaves and frothy spiced lattes. We’re floating. Our fir-trimmed UGGs hover above ground. Nothing else exists except fall.

Starbucks is no longer a treat. It’s a necessity.

Bust out the cardigans! Wear stockings! Boots! Sweaters! Scarves! A blanket! Doesn’t matter if it’s 90 degrees outside. Lower the thermostat!

Time is ticking. We need to hit the apple orchard, the pumpkin patch, the corn maze, take a hay ride, roast marshmallows, bake a pie, drink cider, have a chili cook off, carve jack-o-lanterns . . .

And if you don’t succeed in accomplishing these tasks?

YOU ARE A FAILURE FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR. AUTUMN ONLY COMES ONCE. DON’T BE A SUCKER!

*pants hysterically, hyperventilates, calms herself, and continues*

Basically, it’s a lot of pressure.

But it’s true. This is why we go insane over fall. As soon as fall is over, it’s over. Finito. Then, it’s Christmas. And who wants to celebrate fall during Christmas-time?

We have a minuscule window of time to succeed at fall.

So what are you doing, sitting there, staring at a screen? GO, GO, GO!

We have T-Minus two months to get this right!

You need to hit Target. Get a new planner. Every girl knows that your current planner simply WON’T DO. And you’ll need a caffeine jolt to do it, duh (so hit Starbucks).

This post wasn’t written to give you a nice back rub and help you calm down. This post was written to fire you up. Add to the chaos. CONTINUE THE FRENZY!

Because–if we’re not stressed to tears, and if we’re only enjoying the present like a couple of psychopaths–are we truly succeeding?

I don’t think so.