Oscars 2020 — What You Missed

Oscars 2020 went live yesterday afternoon. You bet your bottom that I was cozied up on the couch, wearing my fluffy, Smiling-Panda socks and clapping like an excitable crazy person.

I had been looking forward to this all weekend: watching the Oscars LIVE for the first time.

It began with an incredible opening number by Janelle Monae, a woman who can button a shirt while sweating (and singing) through one of the most stressful, high pressure situations imaginable. And she did it with grace.

Her tribute to Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood wasn’t effected in the slightest.

If it were me up there, I’d still be wrestling with that cursed black button.

Celebrities were no-doubt hiding behind Chanel clutch bags and $200 diamond cufflinks when the merciless Martin-Rock duo hit the stage. No one was safe from their pokes and jokes, especially multibillionaire, Jeff Bezos. At least, until Rock asked if Martin had anything to say in addition to Rock’s endless barrage of comments on Bezos’ money, divorce, and E-commerce company, at which point, Martin replied with a curt, “no thanks. I like to get my packages on time.”

The comedians took a moment to comment on the fact that neither had been asked to return to host the Oscars for a second time.

“We’ve had a great time not hosting tonight!” Steve Martin quipped.

One of the most memorable songs from this years’ Oscars was from the movie Frozen 2. Nine women from around the world, nine different ethnicities, languages, and countries, flew in to sing alongside the famous voice of Elsa, Idina Menzel, in an incredible performance of “Into The Unknown.” If you see anything of the Oscars 2020, my recommendation is that you Youtube this song.

Idina looks like a giant marshmallow/snowman and the voices are incredible.

Speaking of fashion. . .

Kristen Wiig won Silliest Dress. Her red lobster, lasagna ruffled, side-boob dress with black gloves reaching for the skies stole the show. With that uninhibited beam of confidence on her face, I’m beginning to rethink what I slip over my head on a day-to-day basis.

Maybe I’m doing it all wrong.

I mean. The woman has a cape and everything.

Laura Dern, on the other hand, chose an elegantly understated, baby pink dress, followed by a spill of dark tassels down her front.

It’s like Spider Man’s Venom is slowly taking over her body. It’s crawled up her back and creeps down her chest, slipping deep into her nervous system until she’s become the most sinister version of herself. Just look at that face—the curve in her smile and slant in her eyes—and tell me it isn’t true.

Brad Pitt won best supporting actor and Regina King could not be more thrilled, visualized by her hugs, her kisses, and her overwhelming inability to take her hands off of him while they strolled off stage together.

Though, can we blame her? That’s Brad Pitt, for crying out loud. Regina is just living her best life.

Let’s take a moment to applaud her biceps.

The poor man may not have had a microbial of a chance to get away. Little did he know, she’d been pumping iron in preparation for the very moment in which she could get her paws on him.

You go, girl.

A duo that rivaled Martin and Rock was the female comedian combo of Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph. The women took advantage of center stage to audition for roles as Angry, Sad, Happy, and Playful, should any of the lovely directors present be in need of their services.

Their skit was full of fun, rhythm, and rhymes and one that I’ll be enjoying for a second time, as soon as I hit publish on this blog post.

Oscar’s 2020 was a success . . . as long as we can purge from our memory banks the disturbing images conjured by Joaquin Phoenix during his acceptance speech for Best Actor, in which he describes a situation of artificially inseminating a cow, then stealing her baby, and taking the milk intended for the calf to put it in our coffee and cereal.

A speech that lost me at “inseminate a cow” and made me consider being vegan for 2.5 seconds.

All in all, I’d like to thank the academy for putting on a great show this year! Can’t wait for the next!

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