Why I Must Be Caffeinated At All Times

Coffee is dear to my heart. It began at a young age, tasting my mom’s coffee ice cream for the first time. Then I worked at a coffee shop for two years and one thing led to another. . .

I’ll just get into it. Because as soon as I finish this post, I get to run downstairs and get free, you-know-what warm delicious goodness from the hotel lobby.

This hotel is wonderful.

5 Reasons Why I Must Be Caffeinated At All Times

Coffee in an IV

#1. To Function.

Coffee 4

I require caffeination for the typical involuntary protocol like breathing, knowing how to sit, recognizing colors, coherent sentences, remembering my alphabet, etc.

#2. I’m way funnier when caffeinated.


I get some of my best post ideas while caffeinated. My fingers spaz across the keys. I toss my head back and laugh maniacally at every line.

Seriously, I’m hilarious. Stick around.

#3. Multitasking/Efficiency.


Typing, thinking of breakfast, worrying about breakouts on my chin, spell-checking my work, it will blue your mind how many things I can do at once. I never make mistakes so I never have to go back and read my posts for erros.

Gosh. I’m so efficient. Coffee makes me a better person, really.

#4. Coffee is a natural laxative.

Coffee 1

Always helpful!

#5. I’m a much better dancer.


This last one I didn’t discover until about an hour ago, when I was standing in the tea isle of Whole Foods and a good song came on. People stared because of the sheer, artistic beauty of my rhythmic flow.

They wanted to ask me what my dance secret was. And I would’ve told them caffeine.


One thing I will say about being caffeinated is that it isn’t good if you’re around children. You’ll be hyper. They’ll be hyper. Soon everyone’s twitching. It’s just bad.

Besides that, though, I think we can all agree—in light of the factual evidence I have presented—that coffee is life. Life is coffee.

Coffee Love

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19 thoughts on “Why I Must Be Caffeinated At All Times

  1. I’m so with you, sister! But here’s another very important thing about coffee:
    New studies actually show that coffee could prevent cancer! AND even Dr. Oz says to drink coffee.
    I would say that dumping a lot of cream and sugar in your coffee is probably not the best, however—darn it!

    Liked by 1 person

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