I Have No Volume Control

I have no volume control loud shout mouth humor funny cat

I do this super cute thing. . . No, seriously. It’s adorable.

Hear me out.

Pun intended.

See. I kinda, sorta in a big way have absolutely no volume control.

[DEFINITION] Volume control (noun): That thing in the back of your head that—first—notices the humans around you wincing in physical pain from the inflections of your voice—then—that same thing will signal your mouth to tone it down, Rebekah. You’re hurting people.

A defect in either your ability to notice the contorted faces of your miserable friends or your capability to lower your voice will result in the deficiency: No Volume Control.

That’s the official, medical term. *she says, adjusting her spectacles*

Some people can’t have gluten. I happen to have a health issue of my own.

I should request a specialized menu at Olive Garden. . .

Lacking volume control has gotten me in a lot of trouble throughout the years. Snarky comments murmured to friends were broadcast to the entire church congregation.

I blurted the answers during a Bible Quizathon (oh yes, I went to Bible Quizathon. I was that homeschooler). I thought I was whispering to my partner. My coach heard me, from across the room. I remember thinking he must have Mom’s-mixed-with-Spiderman hearing powers. I was quite impressed at his ability to hear my stealthy hissing.

I’m this way because of my size. Being a tiny human, there are only so many ways to be heard.

Kicking people in the shin and squeaking, “I said, LISTEN TO ME!” isn’t socially acceptable, apparently.

Though, I’m sure you could trick hundreds of people into reading your opinionated blog posts laced with sarcasm, but that is neither here nor there.

No. The loudest voice is the one that’s heard.

My mom has toned me down more times than I can count. I’m obnoxious and I know it. I go to AA meetings and confess it to the group.

Hello, my name is Rebekah and I’m obnoxious. . . 

Hi, Rebekah. . .

Me, Rebekah. Tribal name: The Obnoxious One.

I never did get a handle on the volume thing.

Then, something crazy happened. Someone I respected said they liked that I had no volume control. Not so much that they like when I shout everything I say, but that it shows confidence.


Rebekah—tribal name: The Confident Obnoxious One.

You know what? It has a nice ring.

Oh. Excuse me. Let me be authentic here.



shark bait


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2 thoughts on “I Have No Volume Control

  1. I’m the entire opposite! I can’t speak up FOR THE LIFE OF ME. 🙈🙊 I basically spend my life repeating everything because I end up whispering so much haha. So I think it’s awesome that you speak up loudly and clearly. That’s a talent. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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