Somewhere, the red carpet is being vacuumed, little gold statues are meticulously polished, and TV stars are gazing into their three-hundred-and-fifty-thousand dollar vintage mirrors and rehearsing their best “I didn’t win but see what a good sport I am” claps and smiles.

I have a theory that all those years of acting experience has prepared them for this very moment of earth-shattering disappointment. Without those conceal, don’t feel skills under their belts, there’s no telling what these men and women of the dramatical arts would do.

However, not everyone will leave empty handed. A fistful of talented men and women will glide onto that stage (hopefully, not trip but, you know, we love it when they do) to accept the glimmering trophy. And this is the list of things they probably shouldn’t do when they’re up there.

1. Throw it in a fellow actor’s face.

If you do this, you gotta be real close to the person.

Like, real close.

Or be Jenifer Lawrence.

2. Random declarations of scientific fact.

The blonde jokes may have been getting under your skin all night, but right now is really not the time.

3. Kiss everyone.

We get it. You’re excited.

4. Steal the mic and have an impromptu solo moment.

That’s what I would do.

5. Embrace and rock the trophy as if it were your new born baby and this was the magical moment in which you held him in your arms for the very first time.

6. Hop like a bunny.

Because you can.

7. Pretend the statue has snuck up on you then shriek with fear.

8. Say nothing, let your body do the talking.

9. Go on an extreme photobombing spree then blame it on the excitement of the moment.

10. Clutch onto Julie Andrews and don’t let go, no matter how many times she politely wimper-whispers in your ear please, release me.

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Emotions run high at The Oscars. It’s hard to predict what will happen—staged or unexpected. But I can tell you this, I will be sitting on my couch wearing fuzzy leggings with a tub of popcorn in my lap, waiting and watching with glee for the unexpected.

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