Thoughts From The Bathroom

I get my best brainstorming done in the bathroom—from my reign on the porcelain throne, if you will.

I am convinced this is normal. Everyone else is just too ashamed to admit it.

I don’t know why. It’s not like admitting a failed remembrance of the socially demanded hand washing ritual; a story to which, at parties, you are repeatedly forced to wail, ‘that was ONE time!’

Rebekah, I told myself (as, that is my name. Though, sometimes, I wouldn’t mind being an Eleanor, if I had the option). Rebekah, I said, you must write a new blog post. Stop being a baby. The writer’s block is just in your head. NOW GET BACK ON THE HORSE AND GET TO WORK, SOLDIER!!!

So, I saluted myself, but first, I asked if I could please have a potty break, to which myself granted the request, and I was dismissed.

I entered my thinking closet. Shut the door, and was just placing the tissue strategically over my seat of comfort when this trickle of thoughts came to mind.

1. Does anyone thank the management for providing the seat covers for our protection?
2. Hmm. That woman can totally see me through the crack in the stall.
3. I just made eye contact with that woman through the crack in the stall.
4. Could she see me texting?
5. Wait. Why should I feel guilty. SHE should feel guilty for looking at me!
6. Creep.
7. Okay. I take that back. She’s probably a really nice old lady.
8. But still.
9. I wonder if she has any grandkids.
10. Do they look through the cracks between bathroom stalls?
11. What if it’s a hereditary trait?
12. Oh thank God. There is toilet paper. I didn’t check beforehand.
13. Hmm. There’s two toilet paper rolls. The closer one is emptier. People must be too lazy to reach farther for the second.
14. Or is it against the rules?
15. I’m going to use paper from the second roll.
16. Teehee.
17. I’m such a rebel.
18. *recognizes the shoes in the next stall* “Mom?”
19. *proceeds to have a lovely family reunion from our individual thrones*
20. *person walks in. Mom and I immediately shut up*
21. *mom leaves the bathroom first* How do moms pee so fast?
22. Hey, what’s keeping people from reaching over the door and stealing my purse off the hook? Seems easy to take from there.
23. “SOMEONE’S IN HERE. No yeah. It’s okay.” Jeez… They couldn’t decipher from the three hard yanks that, yes, the door is LOCKED?
24. Some people are so dense.
25. I hate stalls that open outward. What if I didn’t lock the door properly?
26. Hey! I just got a post idea.
27. I should get out and write it down.
28. *flushes toilet and looks back up at the box of toilet seat covers*

No seriously. Does anyone actually thank the management for providing those?

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