I get my best brainstorming done in the bathroom—from my reign on the porcelain throne, if you will.
I am convinced this is normal. Everyone else is just too ashamed to admit it.
I don’t know why. It’s not like admitting a failed remembrance of the socially demanded hand washing ritual; a story to which, at parties, you are repeatedly forced to wail, ‘that was ONE time!’
Rebekah, I told myself (as, that is my name. Though, sometimes, I wouldn’t mind being an Eleanor, if I had the option). Rebekah, I said, you must write a new blog post. Stop being a baby. The writer’s block is just in your head. NOW GET BACK ON THE HORSE AND GET TO WORK, SOLDIER!!!
So, I saluted myself, but first, I asked if I could please have a potty break, to which myself granted the request, and I was dismissed.
I entered my thinking closet. Shut the door, and was just placing the tissue strategically over my seat of comfort when this trickle of thoughts came to mind.
- Does anyone thank the management for providing the seat covers for our protection?
- Hmm. That woman can totally see me through the crack in the stall.
- I just made eye contact with that woman through the crack in the stall.
- Could she see me texting?
- Wait. Why should I feel guilty. SHE should feel guilty for looking at me!
- Okay. I take that back. She’s probably a really nice old lady.
- But still.
- I wonder if she has any grandkids.
- Do they look through the cracks between bathroom stalls?
- What if it’s a hereditary trait?
- Oh thank God. There is toilet paper. I didn’t check beforehand.
- Hmm. There’s two toilet paper rolls. The closer one is emptier. People must be too lazy to reach farther for the second.
- Or is it against the rules?
- I’m going to use paper from the second roll.
- I’m such a rebel.
- *recognizes the shoes in the next stall* “Mom?”
- *proceeds to have a lovely family reunion from our individual thrones*
- *person walks in. Mom and I immediately shut up*
- *mom leaves the bathroom first* How do moms pee so fast?
- Hey, what’s keeping people from reaching over the door and stealing my purse off the hook? Seems easy to take from there.
- “SOMEONE’S IN HERE. No yeah. It’s okay.” Jeez… They couldn’t decipher from the three hard yanks that, yes, the door is LOCKED?
- Some people are so dense.
- I hate stalls that open outward. What if I didn’t lock the door properly?
- Hey! I just got a post idea.
- I should get out and write it down.
- *flushes toilet and looks back up at the box of toilet seat covers*
No seriously. Does anyone actually thank the management for providing those?
Now on Snapchat! RebekahKoontz
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