My dress is black, so are my shoes. I crumple the tissue in my lap. So far, I haven’t needed it. So far, I’m keeping together.
I stare at the pew in front of me. I burn letters into it with my eyes. What would I spell?
It would start with an S——No. I promised myself I wouldn’t get emotional. I need to stay strong.
“And now,” the reverend says. He collects his notes in one swift, habitual, gather-and-tap motion. He barely makes a sound. “We will hear from the deceased’s close friends and family.” His eyes fall on mine. He nods, my cue to stand.
I do. The empty clop of my heels against wood floor echoes through the church. Behind the podium, I clear my throat. My notes tremble in my hands. “My Samsung Galaxy S4 was a good phone,” I begin.
“He was there for me.” I drag my eyes up from my notes and try to look in the faces of those before me. Instead, I look over their heads. “We were close, inseparable.” A smile toys at my lips. I remember the trickle of green droplets, moving their way to the battery as he charged, and the rainbow of bursts that appeared on the screen every time I turned him on. It was beautiful.
Someone in the congregation loudly blows their nose.
“It won’t be the same without him,” I continue, “without dear Sam G. That was my nickname for him; Sam. I met him in Pennsylvania… or was it DC? We were driving across country to New York.” My voice wobbles suddenly. “He was the best phone I ever had.”
Tissues pass around the crowd. I dab my eyes with my own.
“Sam never died on me when I was separated from my family at a museum. He never erased long, heartfelt messages I spent so long perfecting. He never treated me like other, bad phones had treated me in the past. He made me feel special. He was special.”
An elderly woman in the front pew smiles at me. Tears glisten from the corners of her eyes. I smile back.
“I don’t think I’m ready to see him go. We’ve had such good times together. He loved playing hide-and-go-seek.” A sob erupts deep inside my chest. “He was really good at hide-and-go-seek.”
I know I need to wrap it up. I have nothing more I can say.
“I love you, Samsung Galaxy S4. May your next owner cherish you. Thank you for being one of my best, best friends. I hope I can love my new iPhone as much as I have loved you.”
“Goodbye, dear friend.”
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