There’s something people do to me—maybe three times out of the year—that really gets under my skin.

It usually happens on a happy, carefree day (because, why ruin a day that’s already messed up?). I’ll be skipping along and bling! BUZZ-BUZZ, my phone goes off.

Who could that be? I wonder.

Is it good news? Bad news? An emoji-fight challenge?

Then it happens. I open up the phone, and I don’t recognize the number.

Of course,  it always begins with the atypical, useless text of:

UNKNOWN: Hi Rebekah

Or worse.

UNKNOWN: Hi Rebecca

Now I have to play “Friend-or-Creeper.”

Playing “Friend-or-Creeper” is so annoying.

My name is misspelled in the second text, so I can derive that this person isn’t a close friend. From the fact that both messages lack punctuation or emojis, I’ve also concluded that this person has earned its first Creeper point.

And if the message comes in as ONE word, whether it is “Hi”, “Hello,” or “Rebecca,” my creeper-radar is on high alert. Ten creeper points awarded to the unknown number that sends one-word text messages! I don’t mess around.

What IRKS me is when this masked person begins the message with a question.

UNKNOWN: Whats up

This person is assuming that I know who they are? That’s just arrogance.

Furthermore, why should I tell you “whats up”, Mr Unknown Number? Have you earned an answer to “whats up”? Have you been there for me these past couple of months when I could’ve needed you most? I don’t think so.

No matter, I’m classy. So I give the benefit of a doubt.

ME: Who is this?
UNKNOWN: Ha. You know. ;)

That’s it. That is all it takes.

ME: NO I DON'T KNOW. IF I KNEW I WOULDN'T BE ASKING YOU WHO YOU ARE!! STOP WASTING MY TIME AND ANSWER THE STINKIN' QUESTION!!! NOOWWW!!

I don’t really say that, in so many exclamation points. . .

Below is a real-life conversation.

UNKNOWN: Whats ur bros number
ME: Who is this?
UNKNOWN: Do you have ur bros number? i lost it.
ME: Of course I have his number he's my brother. Are you sure YOU
have the right number?
UNKNOWN: arent u Isaih's sis?
ME: Yes. And who are you?
UNKNOWN: does it matter
ME: I'm not giving out any information until you tell me who you are.
UNKNOWN: Fine. Haley.
ME: Haley who?
UNKNOWN: Just tell him im the haley who used to date jacob
ME: Jacob whoo??
UNKNOWN: Nevermind.

It really annoys me—really annoys me—that there are people who have absolutely nothing better to do than play the guess-who game.

Don’t you have a job? Hobbies? School? Some sort of life outside of this device called a phone. I know you have plenty of people to annoy. Why must you choose me?

Obviously I have some pent up anger I need to deal with.

But I mean. Come on. Even A signs her text messages, “-A”. (Oh yes. I went there.)

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