I don’t claim to have a lot in common with the princess Rapunzel. I’m not blonde, nor have a chameleon for a best friend, or know any hot guys named “Flynn”.
Long hair—however—long hair is something I have experience in. Years and years of experience.
As I began to think on this, I realized some thoughts Rapunzel actually has on a daily basis. Here are five.
#1. “What the heck is this?”
Typically, this thought would occur to Rapunzel at the most inopportune time—most likely when she is trying to flirt or during public speaking. She runs her fingers through her hair, and then she feels it.
What it is, she doesn’t know. She only knows it doesn’t belong in her hair, and it isn’t a stray bobby pin.
Or worse. Flynn points it out to her (in that loud, I’m-a-man-who’s-made-an-observation! voice).
“Babe, there’s something in your hair.”
One time, I was eating a self-destruct burrito. My big brother was laughing at me. I was trying to stay clean while eating it quickly before total eruption. Afterwards, I thought I had been successful.
About an hour later, to my absolute horror, I found a clump of dried bean mush in my hair.
Don’t be embarrassed, Rapunzel. We’ve all been there.
Do you want to know the truth behind Rapunzel’s one strand of cut hair?
It wasn’t a witch that cut it. No.
It was Rapunzel’s mother, the day Rapunzel got gum stuck in it, and they were out of peanut butter. Sad day.
#2. “No I DON’T shed hair on everyone.”
If there is one hair in the sink, all eyes fall to the girl with the longest mane. It must be her hair. She has plenty to spare.
But the long-haired girl will never admit that it’s hers, neither will Rapunzel. Even if it’s long, and blonde, and smells like her shampoo.
Flynn will complain about it and find her hair all over his new dress pants, but Rapunzel will deny it to the end. No, she doesn’t shed like a dog. It must be your horse that’s shedding, Flynn.
#3. “Flynn, help! I’m dying, suffocating.” *Cough! Hack! Cough!*
If you ask me, one of the worst things about long hair is waking up in the middle of the night, strangled.
(Sounds like the halloween version.)
In the dark of the night, the black sky is pierced with one—single—scream. Rapunzel is found, dead in her bed! The castle is alert! Call the police! Whispered questions are left unanswered. Was it Flynn? Toxic paint? Was it…the chameleon?
#4. “When I hug someone, my hair gets stuck in their armpits…”
#5. “Ow! Flynn, you’re on my hair.” “Ack! Pascal’s pulling my hair.” “STOP THE CAR! My hair is stuck in the door.”
Real talk: if you’re a girl with long hair, you must know where your hair is AT ALL TIMES or something bad will happen, such as a painful reminder.
There are a lot of unrealistic things in the movie Tangled: a shard of glass does NOT create a cute hairdo…Pascal’s little claws would constantly be tangled in Rapunzel’s hair (I’ve had a lizard caught in my hair, it’s a struggle), etc etc.
I won’t go deeply into those. What I will divulge is this: when Rapunzel cries after Flynn cuts her hair…
That, my friends, is real life stuff. Ask any girl who has gone from long hair to short hair. The shock alone is enough to cause an emotional breakdown.
These are the five thoughts Rapunzel has on a daily basis. Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments.