In life, it’s easy to think, “I’m not good at anything.”

This may very well be true. Who am I to question you?

You are, however, unique in the things you do, and you do things in a special kind of way that makes you superior to others.

I’m talking about those useless skills you developed and proudly presented to your fourth grade friends. But you know what? They’re still cool, and it’s time we toot our own horn and stop being so hard on ourselves.

These are my special skills. Some I’m in the process of developing to this day. I’m so proud.

This special skill birthed within the magical land that is the craft section of Walmart. My mom and I were making a dress. We already picked out a patterned material but required a certain shade of purple for the inner lining.

My mom and I and a Walmart associate stepped up to the row of fabrics—and bam! My tiny hand reached out and I selected the perfect shade of lavender. My mom clasped her hands in delight. The Walmart associate beamed at me. I was incredible, they said. I had an amazing eye for color.

I was going to do great things with my life. Perhaps even presidency was in my future.

I’ve already written “Lazy >> Justified“. It’s no secret that I’m a justifiably lazy person, but the amount of creativity, willpower, and flexibility it takes for me not to move my butt from the seat should win me an Olympic medal.

I will crawl across the carpet on my hands, stretch a leg out to reach with my toes, or even tie together seven pens using hair elastics, chewed gum, and glitter nail polish before you can get me to stand from my chair, take a step, and flip on the light.

Laziness isn’t a choice. It’s a lifestyle.

I cannot stand when a YouTuber or Blogger reviews a product as, “it smells amazing!”

For this reason alone, I have trained. I have traveled. I have studied. I have marathoned. I have sneezed.

My friends, this just may be my calling in life. I can describe scents.

I can tell the difference between popcorn and sexy man smell, and Taylor Swift emerging from a sauna, covered in rose petals. Hand me a cape and the spray bottle. I’m here to save the day.

Sometimes, I wonder if I even blink. I know I freak people out, too. (Chalk that up as another special skill. Whoo!)

I’ve been verbally called out on my staring. Awkward or not, it takes a special kind of person to have the confidence in themselves to look someone in the eye and just look. Not glance around, not be distracted.

Sure, I make people uncomfortable to where they rather not be in the same zip code as me, and they lock their children’s windows at night. But a skill is a skill!

Hi.

I’m never bored. A rubber band can keep me entertained for hours. I once spent three hours in a car with nothing but an ABBA CD and a pack of gum.

I can also perform a Mama Mia! one woman musical on the spot, in front of a live audience, with choreography, costume changes and sound effects, if ever Michael Mayer approaches me with a thousand dollars and a Yorkie puppy and tells me the job is mine.

I’m also really good at pillow forts.

——

I think it’s healthy to make this list. Too often, the things we can’t do are the things we list. Where did our childlike spirits leave to? Remember when you took your first step and thought man, I’m going to rule the world someday. Followed quickly by bow to me, peasants.

Little victories are still victories, and little skills are still some serious skillage.

Think back to a baby version of yourself and give a little bow.

Eight year old you thinks you are so cool. And rightly so.

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DID I MENTION I CAN FOLD MY TONGUE LIKE A TACO? Special skill #6.