I know it’s wrong to lie.

We all know it’s wrong to lie. Then they slip out, quickly and quietly, one after the other.

Here are the things I find myself lying about a little too frequently. And it’s not about age or weight.

Lord please forgive me.

1. I heard you, loud and clear.

Sometimes, people mumble, and if by the third “sorry, what?” and I still don’t understand what they’re saying, I will match their facial expression and nod and pretend I finally understand.

“Ohh. That’s what you meant?? I get it now!”

I don’t.

2. I absolutely agree with EVERYTHING you just said.

I know it’s bad that I do this. I know it’s bad that I do ANY of this, but I do this one a lot.

If someone’s talking to me–in excess–and I would rather they wrap up, even if I wasn’t listening to a thing they said, even if they mumbled half of it without knowing, if the question comes up, “you know what I mean?“, to save myself from having to hear, not only the argument repeated, but a drawn out explanation of the argument, I will always answer “absolutely.”

Exactly why I don’t work in politics.

3. That huge word you just announced nonchalantly as if anyone with common sense knows the meaning, of course I know what it means.

I have mixed feelings about people who use a gigantic word and then glance at me to see if I’m reacting. It’s possible they just know big words. But on the off-chance that they’re showing off, I do not want to give them the satisfaction of me looking dumb.

See, I’m nodding now. . .

But inside, I’m committing that word to memory. I’ll ask my mom what in the world you were talking about when I get home tonight.

4. I was only on YouTube/Netflix for an hour.

Haha.

Hahahahahaha.

5. Of course you’re my best friend!

I don’t have the heart to tell someone that I don’t consider them my best friend. I’m very realistic when it does come to who I consider my true friends and my best friends. But if there’s a loving soul in front of me, smiling and telling the world that I’m their best friend. . .

I just can’t break it to them.

What do you lie about?