I was brushing my teeth when I heard a scratching noise. It was coming from my room and growing more and more confident.

The sound levels of chaos grew so—forcing me to spit into the sink and rush to my room, swinging the door open wide.

There, in the center of my crowded bed, was a little dog with big ears and big eyes, staring up at me with the most innocent “what happens to be the problem?” face. She stood among a pile of clean clothes and a wadded up comforter, which she had obviously dug at until the crater in the center suited her.

This didn’t stop me from looking her straight in the eye and yelling, “what are you doing?!”

I believe it was a natural response to, not only an intruder in my bed, but an intruder in my bed who was set on destroying my bed. What I believe was an unnatural response was that I paused and expected an answer.

People with pets. We’re on a whole other level of the word “sane.” We get away with so much. I don’t think we even realize half the weird and crazy things we do.

Take talking to your animals, as an example. We tell animals they’re cute, in a high-pitched, loving tone. Sometimes we even insult them, but in the same tone, so that they can’t tell the difference. What makes them different from a human baby? We treat the two the same. That’s a little weird.

Have you ever lied down on the floor with your dog? If you’re a pet owner, this is perfectly normal. But to someone who doesn’t own a dog, to them, you’ve just had a heart attack and the dog is waiting for the most opportune moment to EAT you. Or, that same person just thinks you’ve lost your mind, then I rest my case.

I basically feel ruled by that little dog who is so confident in herself that she takes over my bed without any need of permission.

In the morning, if I wake up first, I will be as silent as possible so not to wake her. It’s more a product of laziness. If she wakes up, I have to leave my bed and go outside in the cold and wait for her. But what’s wrong with this picture? I turn pages as quietly as possible, I hold in sneezes, if my phone is on vibrate, I can’t keep it on the dresser. It might wake her up!

We’re ruled by these fuzz balls. We’re supposed to be bigger. It’s crazy.

Shall I mention picky eaters? Guinea pigs who insist on rushing about their cage and flicking bedding onto the carpet for you to constantly clean? Rabbits who pee on stuff. All manners of caged animals, from lizards to birds, who poop on you whenever the time is right. Cat’s plotting to kill you.

Yet, we love these animals.

They say a dog is a best friend ’til the end, and it’s true. But let’s face it, us humans, we’re the one’s who are trained. We obey, and clean, and perform great tricks like rushing them to the backyard if they decide to start half of their potty on the kitchen floor.

People with pets are on a whole other level. Just reading this, if you have pets you’re laughing and nodding your head. If you don’t, you’re horrified that mental disorders like this exist and gagged at the thought of ever being pooped or peed on.

If you’ve never been pooped or peed on, you haven’t lived. (I would love to be known for this quote alone.)

People with pets, unite! We may be crazy, but!. . . Yeah, we’re just crazy.