The Offending Candle

My mom and I went on a shopping date last Friday. There was a sale at ULTA that if you buy a big Body Shop body butter you get a mini free. Well I found out the hard way what “while supplies last” means.

I’m telling you this because it may or may not have led to one of the worst decisions of my life.

After ULTA and a lot of whining over my mini-body-butter-less-ness, we went to Bed Bath and Beyond. I was in a sensitive state.

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My eyes immediately fell on the Yankee Candle display, beautifully adorned with a bright yellow paper that read “CLEARANCE.” I scanned down the prices, and when I saw that the samplers were $1.49, I needed one.

There were seven holiday scents. I counted. I swiftly went to town unashamedly sniffing each and every one of them, then coming back for seconds and thirds and comparing Pumpkin to Apple Pumpkin.

I narrowed it down to four, took each of the mini candles in my hand, and followed my mom around the store, sniffing them over and over and comparing them to find my perfect one.

I quickly got sick of Salted Caramel and thought this form of candle buying was perfect. I was already getting closer to my perfect one.

By the time we came around the store, it was between Apple Pumpkin and this green wreath one. I remember vaguely telling myself Apple Pumpkin was too strong so I should stick with Pumpkin, but that thought obviously left me, along with my sanity.

At $1.50 each, I figured I could shell out the three bucks and not have to choose between the two candles, so I went to the register prepared to buy both.

The total came out to $4.30. $4.30 didn’t seem right. I kept slowly counting out my money and staring at the total, then I retracted my dollar bills last minute.

“I’m sorry. It’s a dollar tax?”

The girl cheerily told me it was thirty cents tax, so I told her that they were $1.50 each. She said no that they were $1.99 each. My mom walked over to the CLEARANCE sign and said it read in teeny letters that only certain scents were $1.50.

Things were not going my way.

On principle, I left the green wreath one. I should’ve left both for Bed Bath and Beyond’s trickery, but I really wanted a holiday candle and what’s more holiday-ie than Apple Pumpkin?

We left the store and the smell of candles was still strong in my nose.

We sat in the car and I could still smell the candles.

We ate at Panda Express and I smelled candles with every bite. That’s when I put down my fork and sniffed my hands.

My hands smelled from carrying the candles around the store! I tried hand sanitizer to kill the smell, to no avail.


We went to Target and I had a spaz attack when I smelled candles again, then my mom had to calm me down, grabbing my shoulder and pointing out that we were passing the candle isle.

By the time we climbed back in the car, the candle had perfumed the entirety of our van and I was sick of it.

We got home and I casually put the candle on the drying machine, which my mom’s keen nose found. She put it in my room, but I couldn’t stand it. I subtly put it by the printer.

This tango has been going on and on.

This candle will be the end of me.

Why don’t you throw it away, Rebekah? You may ask. Because it was two dollars from my pocket and I’m not prepared to let that go just yet. I’m annoyed.

The candle is now in the bathroom, and the only plus side of that is it doesn’t encourage too much extra time spent in there.

Just be careful. This little sucker will be the end of you. I’m writing this post as a warning.

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