I believe it’s a saying. “You can’t run away from your troubles, they just follow you.”
That’s how I feel about being home again. Not that I had trouble troubles.
My room, for example. I leave and come back, and it still desperately needs a spring cleaning. So far I’ve filled a whole trash bag of clothes to give away. I view that as real progress! Baby steps.
Thursday night, I jumped right back in to leading worship for a young ladies’ bible study. My little brother and I were also immediately recruited to house cleaning that same day, after we got back. I was assigned to clean bathrooms and showers. He was assigned to go pick up the left over branches of what used to be a beautiful oleander that my dad had hacked to a stump while we were away. I still don’t know why. My mom also said we’d be vacuuming every day in order to catch up on what cleaning my dad didn’t do, to which my little brother replied.
“Man, we’re only here a day and already. . ” He mimed cracking a whip. It made me laugh.
All this being said, my point is: things will stay the way you leave them. So when you come back, you still have to deal with it.
I bet you’re all wondering. What are you going to do about work?
Well. I’m going to start by going back. I need to return my shop key (oops. It totally traveled across country with me) and pick up my last checks. And in doing so, I’m going to ask and see if God wants me to go back there, or to find another job. I’m putting it in God’s hands this time.
I’m really trying to do the “stop worrying, let God” thing. It’s pretty awesome. Hard, but awesome.
Chris has also told me about a job opening at his school (he’s a proctor) for a chef sub. I already have a food handler’s license (thanks to the coffee shop), so I’m kinda sorta qualified!
I’m really excited about my life ahead. Being far away really does give you perspective on things. I realized I was putting myself in a miserable little box of worry. And my life wasn’t that big to begin with.
I realized I don’t know what I want, or what I want to do. I know I want to be a novelist. So I’m going to need to thrust myself into that and finally finish drafts two, three, and four of my novel, if I ever want to be serious about this.
I love teaching kindergarten at church. I love singing and doing worship. I love listening to people monologue. I love . . clothes. (Haha)
Anyway. I’m not totally sure this post has a point.
Being away for 31 days really gave me a perspective on what matters. Especially when it comes to jobs. Jobs are very important. Do not get me wrong. And you should appreciate and respect whatever employer is willing to give you a shot.
But jobs can’t take over your life. I’ll be open about something. I’m very one-track minded. I focus on one thing, like a job, and everything else is put on hold. That’s how my life felt small.
So I’m working on broadening my horizons. And calming down. Because what’s really important is God and life experiences and relationships and family.
Just constantly remind yourself of that, if you’re like me. And if you have to constantly remind yourself of that, it means you’re not acting on it.
I wrote down my “year of 18” a few weeks ago. Every birthday, I write down what happened to me in the previous year (job, driving, car, etc). As I looked at everything that happened and as I write this post, I can’t help it. I keep thinking. .
My life sounds like a regular coming-of-age story..