How you’re SUPPOSED to do nails, supposedly. .

I just realized my instant upload hasn’t been on all this time and has about two months of pictures to upload. But hopefully they’ll be done by the time I finish with this post. Moving on.

As I have said in my last post: I can’t do nails. It’s pathetic. It’s clumpy. It’s true.

So I’ve watched nail art after nail art video on Youtube. Just for you. JUST for you, my dedicated, devoted reader. *sniff* Now let’s not get too emotional.

So here’s a post on how you’re supposed to do nails. And if it all works out, they’re supposed to be salon-looking, red carpet ready, and not chip off after three days. So let’s get to it!

First, remove any old polish. I’m usually in a hurry to make my nails look at least presentable, so I paint over the old stuff, but it makes it look like there are world continents hiding in your nails. Not really a smooth, polished finish. . So take off the old to put on the new. Very philosophical process.

Then you start with a base coat. Base coats are what you put on before the real nail polish. They’re meant to keep from staining your nails and also fill out the crevices in your nail to make the color polish look smoother. I’ve never heard of a base coat before so I don’t own any. Instead I used an old bottle of clear polish. It may not keep the stains away, but I figured I could use it for the smoothing effect at least.

As I started using my clear polish, I was reminded of why I hadn’t used it in so long. It’s thick and bubbly and actually stretches out like melted cheese, leaving these clear threads all over. It’s the strangest thing.

So thick it defied gravity

I had heard somewhere that adding nail polish remover to nail polish thins it out. (Otherwise, it kind of makes no sense to me.) So I poured nail polish remover into the bottle, capped it, and rolled it between my palms. Shaking the bottle creates bubbles.

It did thin it out a little more, though the strings were still there. But still, I didn’t have anything else, so I finished up my nails.

Had bubbles, but who’s to know. .

Next, I got my favorite polish.

Mystery brand: Aziza.?

It’s funny because this IS second hand polish. It was my Abuelita’s (granny). I fell in love with it. It’s a hard color to find too. Which stinks ’cause it’s my favorite. But other than red and white, I really don’t have any other colors to choose from my “collection”.

There are all sorts of techniques out there for applying polish. The goal is really just to keep from getting it on your skin, so any way you can do that is the right way.

My hands tend to be shaky, not to mention I’m not coordinated and can’t concentrate well (haha, I’ve got all against me) so I’ve found that the best way to go is by starting with the brush in the middle of the nail, a little lower than the cuticle, then push the brush up to your cuticle, then back down the middle.

This video shows you how, if you don’t understand. I’ve also found this video the most helpful. The other things she says that makes TOTAL sense but never occurred to me before is start with your outer nails first, then work your way in. That way you don’t brush against a wet nail and mess it up.

Other people use little strokes and make their way down. This one girl does her thumbs last because she’s really OCD about getting paint on her skin and is constantly using her thumbs to scrape it up. So she leaves them last so she doesn’t mess them up. I personally, use a cuticle pusher to scrape my polish away, mostly because I cut my nails so short. I’m a musician, I can’t have them long.

So whatever works for you. Maybe some people paint horizontally. I dunno.

Some polishes paint on really thin, so you have to do a few coats until you get the shade you want. From my own experience, probably from impatience, make sure the paint is dry or that you have enough paint on your brush before adding another coat. A dry brush on wet paint messes it up beyond words. It’s very frustrating.

When your color dries, apply a “top coat” to “seal your design”. I’ve heard that a lot, so I thought I’d say it, though honestly, I don’t know what it means exactly. I figure it’s supposed to keep your paint from chipping off so easily.

Surprise, I don’t have top coat either, so I just used the clear polish again, letting it string out from my fingertips.

And the Worst Nail Award goes to!!. . . . . Middle nail on the left hand!! Whoo!