Valentine Schmalentine

     Valentine’s day is coming up . . . The reaction to this statement depends on perspective. Some girls will sigh dramatically, clutching hands to their hearts while thinking of gallant lovers. Guys will groan in dismay, remembering that they still haven’t made date plans or decided whether to pick chocolate, or flowers, or both. Ah, yes. Love is in the air, how sickly touching.

     But what do you do if you’re a single girl on Valentine’s Day? You could write a heartfelt note to the guy of your dreams. But that generally doesn’t end well, nor does sending him flowers. Okay. On a side note, come on, girls. Sending a guy flowers? When did this become a good idea? What guy has a vase brimming with flowers in his man cave? Yes, my point exactly.
     It’s not that I’m against women being independent. But there is a difference between taking care of yourself and being desperate. The girl shouldn’t ask the guy out. I guess there’s no law opposed to her gently, kind of, pushing him along, but the asking is his job. Enough said. 

    So what else is there in life if you can’t force your love to do something fun with you? No need to gawk, I have answers. I will summarize these answers in three points to simplify. (No need to thank me. I know I’m wonderful.)
#1. Flow with it
     Hey, Valentine’s day is about showing the person you love how much you care, right? Time to treat one of the most important people in your life (you) to a day of luxury.
     Go for a quiet walk. Read an old romance novel or watch a cheesy movie. Gorge yourself with chocolate. Make an “I love me” heart cake. Send yourself a love note. Take your out to a fancy dinner. Buy an assortment of gorgeous flowers and mail them to yourself – whatever you can do to make you happy. Whatever you can do to make you happy. It’s all about you. Tell yourself how amazing you are while you’re at it.

#2. Ignore it

      It’s a stupid holiday anyway. (No offence, St. Valentine.) But think about it. What’s the point to go ballistic one day of the year to show a guy you love him? The whole point of love is that it’s “to the ends of the earth, ’till the end of time”. That’s what touches people’s hearts with that warm fuzzy feeling, not crummy chocolate or wilting flowers. Not to mention, it’s easier to pretend like the holiday doesn’t exist. Start practicing. “What was that? Today’s Valentine’s Day?
Huh, go figure. No, no, I didn’t know. I never pay attention to that kind of thing.”
#3. Hate it
     This is my personal favorite. The sweet smell of disgust. This is the perfect day to feel sorry for yourself and mope around for twenty-four hours without feeling guilty. Be useless, complain, grumble, be unusually sarcastic and deadpan about everything and anything. Inwardly make fun of people who are in love. Watch movies with attractive male actors and criticize them; their feelings, their hair, their smile, anything that appealed to you before. Heck, use a Nerf gun and shoot them, telling the guy who’s love-struck how much of a moron he is for picking her and not you. Maliciously write a list of all the great, good-looking guys you can think of who are suckers for not having you as a girlfriend. They’ll be so miserable without you. You almost feel sorry for them.

     So, yes. These are three different ways to go about crummy Valentine’s day when you’re single. Pick the one you like best, the one that sounds the most enjoyable. Mix and match if you want. But most of all, remember, it is a holiday so take time to mark this day out of the whole year to do something unusually fun, even if it means eating candy and yelling at a TV screen all day.

4 thoughts on “Valentine Schmalentine

  1. Ha Ha! After reading this I almost think that I missed out. I could have gorged myself in chocolate and books! Instead I got to disect a frog!

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  2. Well, you could pretend like today was Valentine's Day (or “Single Awareness Day” as some like to call it). . . or you could brag about being one of the few who got to SEE a heart on V-Day instead of breaking one. Just a thought.

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